Adolescent Behavior: A Field Guide to Your Teen’s Patterns

Adolescent behavior can be a tricky field to navigate. Teens swing from mood to mood like trapeze artists, becoming more secretive and at times losing their filter entirely. How can you discipline someone for saying, “Mom, why does your hair look like that?” No, seriously, this is me asking!

Despite their frustrating behavior, we know they are trying to figure out who they are while growing up in a difficult world. Parents are hearing more about the rise of depression and anxiety in our teenage population, which can raise concerns about whether your own teenager's behaviors are normal or cause for alarm. Today, I’d like to share some common patterns of normal teenage development with you, as well as symptoms that require more attention. 

Sleep.

Teenagers’ circadian rhythm is very different than other ages and stages! Their bodies prefer to stay up late and sleep in; however, we force them into a schedule that doesn’t work for their natural clock. They also require plenty of sleep, about 8-10 hours per night. It would NOT be unusual for your teen to want to sleep from 1 am until 11 am if given the opportunity.

Potentially concerning behaviors:

A teen that sleeps all day, prefers sleep over favorite activities, isolates themselves from friends, is repeatedly late to school, or requires more than 11 hours of sleep per night.

Moodiness.

Everyone has heard it before – “It’s probably just their hormones.” While I don’t want to burst your bubble, that isn’t the only reason your teen experiences a daily rollercoaster of emotions. The brain is a large player in their moodiness! MRI scans have taught us that teen brains change rapidly during puberty. Connections in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that expresses a child’s personality and is involved in more complex decision-making processes, are forming rapidly. Teen brains also grow more white matter in certain areas of the brain that deal with reasoning and impulse control. To put it simply, teens express their emotions before they have time to think about it.  They physically don’t have the tools to do so yet!

Potentially concerning behaviors:

If your teen is responding to their anger with violence, experiencing extreme emotions in what would seem to be a normal setting, or staying in a depressed mood for days at a time.

Isolation.

A teen subconsciously recognizes that they are parting from their childhood and, in a few years, will be parting from their family. Spending less time with you and more time in his / her room is normal behavior. It is also typical for your child to establish a new tribe with friends, preferring them over family. This separation tactic is not meant to be hurtful; it is a coping strategy to build autonomy. We encourage family time and ensuring that your teen is part of family activities; keeping family dinners together at the table is an easy way to interact with your teen daily. Conversations in the car are another great tactic for catching up on your teen’s life – humans tend to open up more when they aren’t looking you in the eye.

Potentially concerning behaviors:

If isolation is accompanied by tearfulness, appetite changes, changes in sleep patterns, or preferring isolation to their favorite hobbies or time with friends, it could indicate clinical depression, and a professional should be involved.

Lying.

It is common for teens to desire some privacy in their lives, and they may accomplish this through lying.  If your child’s personality does not lend itself to rule-following, they may be a very convincing liar! It is also normal for them to want to make their own decisions about their day-to-day lives without your input. In only a few short years, they will make all their decisions independently. Their brain needs time to warm up to this life skill.

Potentially concerning behaviors:

If your teen is lying to hide risky, dangerous, or illegal behaviors or lying pathologically (without seeming to have any control).

Defiance.

We all remember the “terrible twos,” right? The days when it felt impossible to put shoes on our child or buckle their car seat. Now they are fourteen and have returned to wanting to do the exact opposite of our requests and demands. Is this oppositional defiant disorder? Probably not! It’s normal for a teen to want to push the limits and learn from their own mistakes. This isn’t a time to lecture or shame them for their poor choices; they likely already regret it.

Potentially concerning behaviors:

If your teen is breaking the law or ending up in school suspension, the limits have been pushed. If their defiance leads them to make decisions that could impact their future and safety, this is a reason to seek help.

Growing up is hard. Adolescents barely know anything about the world, yet they now have to navigate and claim their stake within it. It’s also hard for the parent, who doesn’t know how to manage an emotionally exhausted teen. At LBMD & Associates, we want to help! We pride ourselves in creating a welcoming environment that supports open and honest conversations. We encourage families to come to a meet and greet with Dr. Laurie Birkholz or Angela Burch, PA-C, to learn more.

In the meantime, try giving Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour a read! We think it contains tons of valuable information and advice.